Gullivers Travels goes Green

Boris Kana, a leading expert on carbon footprint and large scale ecosystems today, taking a page almost from Gulliver’s Travels where Lilliputians abound, announced his human-biological initiative to green the planet by downsizing the human race into dwarfs.

Studies at Mr. Kana’s institute for eco-health in San Mateo, CA have conclusively found that the most effective method to preserve our natural resources and to control both the ecosystem, pollution, and global warming effect is through less consumption, but with a caveat that humans must shrink to make the process truly functional. “It is likely that only a small percent of waste can result though behavioral consumption modification, however by minimizing the actual size of humans, materials consumption, both raw and finished, and the overall carbon footprint of each individual human being on our planet can be reduced by greater than 50%”, said Mr. Kana at his home in San Mateo.

When asked how he planned to do this, Mr. Kana responded, “By shrinking the human footprint through a persistent cross breeding of human dwarfs with standard humans, we can slowly scale down the size of the human body and the consumption required both for nutritional sustenance and consumables required during the course of one’s lifetime.” Mr. Kana’s studies have shown that at minimum the reduction can average 50%, and can be as high as 80% depending on how small we can minimize the human body size.

He went on to say that extraterrestrial species, such as space travelers from Mars, otherwise known as martians, have been depicted in most observations as generally diminutive in size, based on the fact that they have had many more millions or billions of years to model their body scale to their planets consumption rate and available natural resources.

Mr. Kana went on to say, “Consider this, if you were 1/8 the size that you are now, how large would the water bottles you drink from need to be, the notebook computer you use, and the car you drive? How much less carbon fuel would it take to fly or transport human beings from point A to point B? How much further would an acre of farmland go to sustain the population?.” Simply put as Mr. Kana points out, there really is no better way to ensure a reduction in consumption other than through a programmatic dwarfing of the human body through modern science.

Mr Kana has said in previous reports that his institute is considering accepting private funding from several local venture capital firms, however he has yet to disclose the levels of investment nor the firms that are considering participating.

Mr. Kana also has his critics. At a recent Harvard symposium, Mr. Kana was challenged with the how would humanity deal with the fact that even our most basic house pet could be lethal if Humans were scaled to the lilliputian proportions as he suggests. In response, Mr. Kana recognizes this particular issue, which he calls the ‘Big Cat Problem’, and said that there are several antidotes including shrinking the animal community alongside those of humans, as well as arming most humans with non-lethal weaponry such as tazers that would counter any attack by an unsavory pet or wild animal, but also suggests that even in the wild today this problem exists even at our current scale. “How well would you fare against a Grizzly in the wild even at your normal size”, Kana quipped.

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